2 Years .. 3 Lessons I have Learned Since I Lost My Grandma
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the loss of my grandmother – Shirley. This was my father’s mother and the most consistent female in my life. Since I grew up with a single father, my grandmother was the closest female and the most constant in my life. As I look back she never missed an event, or special moment in my life despite having 6 other grandchildren to think about. There was little that would stop her, as we discovered when despite being sick, and having dental pain she still came to our wedding BBQ about a year before she passed!
Sadly with the loss of my grandmother came many emotions and feelings that I did not know I would feel . The following are 3 things I have learned since her passing ..
Lesson #1 – Tomorrow may never come, get the stories while you can – I learned this when I would ask Gram about how my parents met, or how cute I was as a child. She would tell me that she “would tell me another time” and sadly, that “another time” never came. Those stories and memories died with her and I am left wondering the answers.
Lesson #2 – The possibility exists that you will miss them more the longer time goes but not for the reasons you think – This surprised me since I thought that as time passed those feelings of loss and saddness would diminish but I find myself thinking about her and talking about her quite more often than I thought I would. I remember moments with her, things I have said, and things I wish I did differently.
Lesson #3 – There are qualities in them you will never forget – It has been 2 years and I still remember her voice, her touch and those hard questions she asked me at the end (the hardest being “Am I dying?”). I remember her laugh and her sense of humor. Even in the hospital, she asked me to repeat back what she said just to verify I heard her properly – to this day I laugh at that quickness even at that dire moment. I remember her calling our house, asking to speak to “dad” and her coming over to have dinner with us a couple of times a week. I remember she did not like cats, but loved her grandchildren and sons. She had an opinion about many things and we all knew the buttons to push to make her defend those opinions (my personal favorite – OJ was innocent).
Shortly after the loss I wrote this on Facebook and think it is a nice summary of her life:
It is with a heavy heart, many tears and much sadness I say that my Grandmother Shirley has died. It happen this evening and while it was not sudden, I thought that she would have more time! Grandma Shirley went to Ophthalmology school when most women were nothing more than housewives. She had her own successful ophthalmology business in Chicago, until she decided to be closer to her 7 grandchildren and 2 sons in San Diego. Over time that came to add husbands and great-grandchildren (and even one great-great grandchild!) She was loved and appreciated by everyone one of us, and people who met her. She tried her best to show each of us love, and each of us tried to return it to her. She did not miss important moments in each of our lives and to the end loved all of us!! I will miss her more than I even imagined I would, and I know she knew she was loved! I will not forget you Gram and I will always remember how strong and independent you were, and how you showed us all what a girl can do!!!
I would love to sit her and say that it has gotten easier, and in some ways it has, but in many ways it is still raw, exposed and sad. I do not tear up anymore when I talk about her but I always pause and reflect about her life. I think of her often and she might be gone, but far from forgotten.
On this 2nd anniversary of this loss I chose to share her life and remember the things I loved about her such as her smile and laugh!
I would love to learn more about you all .. Tell me about your grandparents below.
My paternal grandmother passed away two years ago as well. For me it’s still hard to comprehend, sometimes certain memories come back to me
I feel the same way, sometimes I forget she has passed.
I am also the same, I have moments that come to me and i remember her more than normal days.
Thank you for sharing – and I am sorry for your loss!
Jennifer
My Maternal Grandparents passed away before I was born. My Grandfather died first and my Mom took care of her Mother. After she died, Mom went into the Army . I of course have no recollections of those Grandparents, but do have a few pictures, they look like kind people though they had a tough life.
My Paternal Grandparents lived out off state, and the were very nice. We did live in the same state for a short time. I remember the tobacco fields, the cows, pigs and all the places to explore. They were kind to us children, but not to my Mother and I found out why later in life (not my Moms fault)
We did not have a close family.
Your Grandmother sounds wonderful, she was gorgeous , adventurous and lovely.
Thank you so much! I loved the story of your grandparents.
I never knew my mom’s family, so when I lost my grandma Shirley it was very sad. I remember i was actually driving home and my father called to let me know. I don’t remember the drive home, or much after that but shock!
She was adventurous, brave and pretty.. even in the photo above in the bathing suit she rocked it at 61!
She bought me my first faux fur – white fluff jacket – I just remembered that one!