Raised by a single father? Tips here!

5 Things I Wish I Realized While my Single Father was Raising Me

My parents had a tumultuous divorce – and the marriage was not much better. When I was about 5 years old the separation process began. I remember my father moved out, and I stayed with my mother. Lucky for me there were apartments near my bus stop and that is where my father moved into. Every morning I would go to the bus stop, wave at mom down the hill and then go up to my dads house for breakfast.

This is arrangement did not last long, and before I knew it I was driving off in a car, with my mother on our way to Illinois while my father waved goodbye.

As time passed it became clear that I wanted to be with my father in California, so one Christmas about a year after the initial move I was put on a plane to California. I did not know it at the time, but that would be the last time I would see my mother for many years. As it turned out, to this day, I have only seen her 3-4 times (almost 35 years later!)

What this means is that I was raised from about 6 years of age by a single father and I have some advice for my young self.

They are as follows –

Tip #1 – Adjustments will be hard: I am going to tell you right away, there will be an adjustment period for both you and your father. Think of it this way – a previously single man now has a full-time child which can be a 360 degree change for him from the single man world he was previously in. Divorces change people and with change comes adjustments and compromise. Give the adjustment time and be patient – it is hard for everyone.

Tip #2 – Patience is Key: The teen years are hard on dad and daughter alike. There are many awkward questions, some awkward answers and many unknowns. I would say answer the questions as honest as you can, and within your embarrassment thresholds. I remember when my father and I had “the talk” and while it was uncomfortable it was needed. My father approached almost every situation with patience and kindness, and while he grounded me when needed he also gave me room to be a young lady.

Tip #3 – Communication whenever possible: I am under the belief that this is the most difficult of the things. Kids and teens are good at communication with their peers, not parents so this has to biggest and most difficult – especially nowadays with texts and instant chatting. My father had an open door policy which allowed me to feel comfortable coming to him – in fact many of my friends also shared things with him and not their parents. I was able to talk to him about anything. Keep the door open and sooner or later it will be entered.

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Tip #4 – Frustration is Normal: There will be frustration at times – take these moments and learn from these. I can not tell you the amount of times that I was frustrated because I thought my father was not hearing what I had to say – in fact he heard but just did not know how to respond. There is a natural communication gap between men and women in general and then add an irrational and immature teenager to the mix and communication becomes a myth! As with most things, this is a phase and one day it will not be nearly as frustrating.

Tip #5 – Appreciate your Dad: I can tell you that nobody is going to love you more than your father. There is a special bond between a father and daughter – he is her example of love and what to want out of man. The better the father, the higher the bar for future suitors. Generally he is the first person a girl loves and there is no replacing a father.

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The best thing that happen to me was that my father took me and raised me. I had a great life, and in turn like to think I gave my father happiness. The thing that was always told to me was that no matter what “it is not your fault” that my parents marriage did not work out and that I “was the best thing that came from them being together”.

At the time it was hard to see through my own loss and grief to see how true this really was but once I did, my appreciation for all the sacrifices and lessons was increased.

Were you a child of divorce? What would you tell your young self? Comment below!

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